Emotional Exhaustion

School starts next week and yet I seem very tired. It has been a emotionally exhausting past two weeks and there is alot that has happened to allow me to ponder over it and write about it. My emotional exhaustion is due to the situations I face with my students. It is amazing how sometimes you realise that there are students who appreciate what you do for them and some who don't and take your kindness for granted.

Recently I have been having trouble with these particular three students whom I adore despite their naughtiness. But lately, i realise that despite my efforts to change them they are going back to their old habits again. Coming late for class and not paying attention to their work and disturbing the rest of my students. I am sick and tired of their behaviour. I have parents who have strictly requested that their children do not attend the same class with these kids. I have scolded them before but they seem to forget my lashing after a few weeks. I am very worried for them. With their attidude what can one do to ensure that they don't fall? Perhaps I am trying to do what my mother does for me. She always tries to catch me and my brother before it is too late. She believes in the philosophy of teaching your kid without letting them get hurt. A mother's instinct who can blame her? But I am not a mother but sometimes it just hurts when you see your students go a stray. I don't want them to destroy their lives but like my mother and some of my friends say, "lingehs you can't always try to save the world. You can only do your best." I suppose they are right. I had always wanted to save the world like superman but then I realise even superman (if he really existed) cannot save everyone's live. I mean he has issues on his own to settle.

Having said that there are of course kids who I encounter who need someone in their lives. Like this girl whom I got to know. She is so cute but her life is somewhat not a pretty picture for her. Her parents don't really care about her. You won't believe it but she was so afraid to ask her mother to make glasses for her. Her mother thinks its a waste of money and that poor girl has to borrow her classmate's glasses to have a look at what is written on the board. Her parents never ask her about school and doesn't care about what she does. All they expect of her is to produce good grades. Her only avenue is when she is babysitted by her mother's friend .She enjoys it there and once in a while I get to interact with her. It is the only freedom she has and she is only eight.

After this my brother and I both agree that we are brats. Sometimes having to spend time with such kids makes me feel really happy. It makes my heart melt just to see them smile. I just finished watching Marvin's Room. A beautiful movie I would say. I especially like the character that Leonardo Decaprio plays ( I use to have a crush on him when I was a teenager). The realtionship between Leonardo and his aunt is so beautiful and you see how a troubled kid transforms to be good. I constantly have to remind myself that I can't always expect to transform everyone's life. Despite all I do for them (like providing them meals) I cannot exepect all my kids to love me like how I love them. They are some who do and some who in their eyes I will always be a third party. It is sad but I suppose it is one of live's lessons that I learn. Neverthless I have decided to continue to give love. I mean come to think about it, if GOD had chosen to give up on loving then he won't have created me in the first place. I mean who wants to live with a nightmare!

picture from: www.lordoftherings.net