When I was in my teens I remembered reading a book about Merlin. It was not the story but the beginning of the novel that left a mark of an impression on me. It starts of with the protagonist literally tearing her heart out and throwing it in to the river. She is an elf but be it literal or metaphorical the idea is beyond words. The idea that something must have happened to have made her react in such a manner. The agony of a heart pain.
Sometimes its not about your heart being broken but the idea of losing someone or being disappointed with what is happening can also cause such pain. Have you ever gone through a phrase of life where your heart is broken and there is no glimpse of hope and then suddenly all changes? You don't understand why and when it hit you but it does. And you feel free and yet enslaved at the same time. You can breathe and yet you feel suffocated. You want to reach out and yet you like the confinement. You hate the waiting and yet you like the idea of what shall happen next. The idea of this conundrum excites you. If you don't understand it, never mind your time has not come but if you do, you would know the state of mind I am in right now.
Its rationality means irrationality in which one often sites irrationality because it makes more sense than believing in what everyone else thinks is right. But then again how the world functions, most impotantly how you function is subjective. I figured that it would be good to leave things alone and see what happens but at the same time a little voice in me tells me to go forth and I just wonder if I should. Playing with pandora's box is diasterous but not doing so is deadly for me. We shall see...
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