If I was never born

Call me insane but I have always wondered if life would be the same if I was born to another family in another part of the world. I mean what would happen if lingehswari was never born in Singapore and born in say, Romania? Would it make a difference? Personally I don't think so. I will still be that wild girl who most probably would have been dead by now or almost lost her life. Sociologically speaking, a person's living environment does play a role in how they develop but how much does a soul's spirit change? Too philosophical? Well, blame it on my mother.

In my daily interaction with her she mentioned that since young I would listen to everyone else except my own mother. She said that I don't really seem to care about what she thought. To which I rely, "Of course! You are my mother! If I ever listen to you, then trust me I was never your daughter." I think my mother would be bored to death if she had a normal daughter. Someone who listens to her and does what she wants her to do. On the other hand, she would die out of a heart attack if I was a rebel whose intention was to live my life the way I want to and destroy my own self. At 26 years old I have learnt to strike a balance. I am a rebel with a conscience. Whether she gets to me or not, my conscious does and hell yeah, it bites like a dog with rabies. I figured somewhere I needed to find the balance for the sanity of me and my mother.

I love my mother and there is no doubt in that. I have to say she has done a pretty good job with me. God forbid, if I was brought up by someone else. I like it when my mother says she does not trust me. I used to get very upset when she did but, now I think I should not. It makes me feel special. The reason why she does not trust me is because she thinks I am a daredevil. I am a parasite but a good one. You know like Denise the Menace. Mr Wilson and the rest can't stand Denise but they love him because life would not be the same without him. I know, I am not saying this because I making myself look good but the mere fact, that my mother is capable of killing me if she knew I was a hazard to the human race. I know that because she is just like a lioness, a great nurturer and even a better killer. She would have killed me a long time ago if I turned out to be a rotten apple which I hope I have not. I think I have grown to become like the character in Tim Burton's first black and white animation, Vincent. Morbid and daring.

I wonder now as I wonder then, what life would be like if Lingehswari Eisvran was never born.