Someday I will know

Saturday afternoons have become somewhat special for me. I start my day with helping my mother a little and then heading down to the gym with my 'twin' ( our lives have been a roller coaster ever since we met 7 years ago. Gosh, I know this fabulous diva for such a long time). We started spending time together ever since I started hanging out near his place during the end-of-year exams where, I will be marking and he, applying for jobs. We would end the day watching Top Model and bitching about the models.

This two Saturdays, we have been going for gym classes together and then heading down to NUS, our alumni to do work. I am not going to say where we work, but the place is somewhat cozy and the moment we settle down, we are completely absorbed in our work. And then we would travel back together.

Yesterday, we did the same thing and on both days it rained. Somewhat we both enjoyed the fact it rained. It gave NUS a serenity which we both enjoy a lot. As we packed up and walked through the sheltered area to the bus station, my twin highlighted to me that this year, ten years ago, I got matriculated into NUS.  I could not believe that it has been so long since I was an undergraduate. As we walked through the area, it started to rain heavily. But it was not your usual rain, it looked like snow. My twin has this habit, he would play songs from the 90s as we walk and this added a sense of nostalgia to the whole atmosphere.

At one point, we stopped. The scene ahead of us was so beautiful (the picture above, my twin looking out) and what made it so magical was the song that was being played in his I-phone. It melted my heart. It was one of the moments that brought a huge sense of warmth to my heart. Someday we'll know from the movie, A walk to remember. As I watched Singapore's economy, its port showered by mother nature and listening to the song, I thought about my first love in NUS. He was a major part of my life then and until recently. I don't want to mention his name but he meant a lot to me. I remembered that I had never cried so much in my life but he literally made me shed pearly translucent blood. And yet, I loved him. I no longer have the same intense feelings and I have learnt that he came into my life because we were meant to be connected at that phase of our life. Although I don't understand why it never truly worked out between us, like the song, someday I will know why we were never meant to be.

I have fallen in love last year again just to have my heart broken. But ironical, even that experience was never as deep as my first love. It was more than love. It was a connection that I had with him because before I fell for him, he was my friend. I will always remember him and how much my life would be empty without him. My life in NUS was never this exciting because, most of my memories, consist of events I took part outside of NUS. But I suppose only he made NUS an icon in my life.

As we walked on, I always wonder, does he feel the same way I feel about him? Perhaps he does feel, but the experience was a different one. Just like how different NUS looks when the rain falls down like snow. Unspeakably beautiful.